Lost Angel
by ashryverblue
Summary: A random Bangel oneshot set in season 3. It's basically what Buffy and Angel are thinking after the eighth episode, "Lovers Walk." Bangel lovers will probably like this. Please read the Author's Note because it contains a longer summary. Rated K because there is no violence, swearing, or sex. Please read this, guys! Thanks!


**AN: Ok, so a few months ago I was watching the Season 3 episode of Buffy, "Lover's Walk," it's episode number 8. It left me feeling pretty overwhelmed, and as I ship Buffy and Angel, pretty devastated at how it ended. I know they get back together later and everything, but still it was tear worthy. I wanted to write something down, and so I came up with this. It's like what Buffy and Angel were each thinking at the time of the episode, and it's weird, I'll admit. Probably very confusing too, if you're not familiar with the episode. I suggest reading the plot on Wikipedia first. I've been unsure whether to post it or not, and I eventually decided to go for it. I hope that someone out there actually reads and likes this, it would really mean a lot to me. Thanks guys!**

**Love Steph xxxx**

Buffy  
I saw Angel again today. I told him that I couldn't see him anymore. It hurt me more than I ever thought it could.

Angel  
"Tell me you don't love me." That's what she said, her eyes desperate for something, for an answer, for a demon to slay. But there's nothing that my slayer can do. Not this time.  
I miss Buffy. I miss her kiss and her touch and the way she seems so full of life, always bursting with it, radiating in a beautiful golden glow. Being alive is an experience I can barely remember. Except when I'm with Buffy. Buffy brings me somehow closer to it than I ever thought I could be.  
She's so beautiful. Her eyes are sparkling and so blue and her hair catches the light every time she tosses it over her shoulder. Spike was right about one thing. We'll never be_ friends_.

Buffy  
Willow, Xander and I are pathetic wrecks. Oz and Cordelia have forgotten that we all exist and it feels as if everwhere I look, I see someone hurting. They all think I got over Angel a long time ago. Angel, Angel, Angel. Love is fire. Love lights us up from the inside out and then burns us down to ashes.

Angel  
Even when we tried to erase it out of our lives, everytime I saw Buffy, it smelled of broken romance.

Buffy  
Why Angel, I ask myself. What is it I see when I look at him? I see suffering and kindness and strength. When you get down to it, Angel and I are nothing except a boy and a girl forever trying to do the right thing. Isn't that what life is, trying your hardest to do the right thing? So tell me, how can it be right that everywhere I look I see his eyes? Every shadow is his silhouette. Without him the colours in the world seem to be mixing together too much, forming endless shades of gray.

Angel  
I've been in pain a lot of times. When I was turned, when the female vampire bit me, I was in agony as I changed. It was the worst pain I'd ever suffered in my mortal life. When I first regained my soul, I spent decades suffering over what I'd done as a vampire. And when I lost it again after my one and only night with Buffy, I was in incredible pain. When she killed me to save the world, I was burning in every sense of it, in my heart, in my soul and in my bone. Then I went to hell and back and it was _Buffy _who cared for me until I was healthy. Only to know that I couldn't be happy with her ever again. This is, I know, what I deserve. I know what I've done. I'm a monster. But Buffy is not. She shouldn't have to live with this. For a second, I wish I'd never come into her life.

Buffy  
Healing Angel was an act of love. Because I know, he doesn't deserve to suffer. I know Angel. He enchanted me from the moment we met. He's a person. He's suffered enough. Yet still he suffers, because of me. So I will hold my head high, because I deserve my pain and I won't stop slaying and I won't stop living. I'll deal with this, and I'll be strong and take it, but it won't stop me from wondering if Angel will.

Angel  
I don't know if I can live without her. What am I supposed to do when she was always the best part of me?

Buffy  
I can't breathe without him, but I have to. Should I have known better before? Should I have admitted that a vampire and slayer won't ever work? Now I've got to live with the consequences.

Angel  
I'll have to live with this. I'll have to live forever.

Buffy  
He's an angel. An angel whose damned for all eternity.

Angel  
Damned, and cursed twice over. Buffy is the only thing I had left.

Buffy  
There'll always be another vampire to slay.

Angel  
There will never be another slayer to fall in love with.

Buffy  
I miss him and ache for him with all of my heart.

Angel  
We're all slaves to passion. When it rips us to pieces, is there anything left?

Buffy  
There's still me. Me. Me and Xander and Willow and Giles and Mom.

Angel  
I love Buffy. I have nothing left except to believe in her, and know that at least she is still in this world. Still laughing and crying and living.

Buffy  
And out there somewhere, there's Angel. There always was and there always will be.


End file.
